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  • Cheryl Duffy

Finding it hard to disconnect ?


Do you keep looking over your shoulder into the past, replaying the good times like an old movie you have watched over and over hoping for a different ending.


Being shackled to your old memories and your old life is exhausting. It is torturing you in post divorce purgatory stopping you from moving on!


Do you keep analysing what went wrong agonising over and over what you could have done to prevent it?


In life, do you look at events that happen to you and think they are because of you ? Things like; being made redundant, a partner cheating on you or your partner being in a bad mood so you must have done something ?


Guess what, it's not about YOU at all !


Companies cut staff to reduce cost...it's not personal.


Partners cheat because they are not happy within themselves and seek external validation... remember you can't make someone happy, only they can ! So they generally won't leave before they have established a parallel life to jump into.


Your partner may be in a bad mood because they are stressed about work, worried about a sick relative or someone ran them off the road.....their mood is not a reflection of something you have done.


Do you find yourself painstakingly agonising over what may have happened with your relationship;

  • Wondering how it is your fault this happened?

  • Thinking what you could have done differently to prevent them leaving?

  • Pondering what did I do or say that he/she wasn’t being their usual self?

  • Making it your mission to try to figure out how to fix it?

  • Ruminating on how we were so close and now we are so distant?

It is the emotional disconnection that is torturing you, even if you logically tell yourself that the relationship wasn’t healthy you still hold onto this emotional connection afraid to let it go as though somehow it keeps you connected to your old life. You may even still be in that unhealthy relationship and know you should leave but struggle to break that connection to walk away.

You are actually stuck because you cling to that emotional connection and not sever it with your ex almost as though you are still in the relationship with them. They may have walked away from it months or even years ago. Unfortunately, whilst you are holding onto that connection you aren’t allowing yourself to heal, or rebuild your self-worth or become your best self. You are so scared to be on your own, disconnected, alone and in fear that you actually won’t be able to create the opportunity and space in your heart to allow anyone else in. You are still holding onto this emotional connection with your ex that doesn’t serve you anymore. It is like you are stuck in limbo, desperately wanting an emotional connection but not letting go of old ones to enable you to be available for new ones once you have healed.


Guess what ? You are denying yourself future happiness.


Isn’t it time to let go so you can stop torturing yourself and heal so you can rebuild a happy life, become positive about life and your future so you can attract new emotional connections that are healthier for you?


The Divorce Centre 'Accelerated Divorce Recovery' program will help you let go and move on so you can create the life you deserve.

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