Many people out on the dating scene struggle to find people who are emotionally available for a relationship. Oh sure the people they meet may be lonely, seeking love and affection and say they have moved on and ready for a relationship….but are they really ? It is so important to find someone who is in the same stage of life as you are who have genuinely healed and will let you into their heart who are not just filling a void of loneliness.
Problem is, you could start dating someone and start to develop feelings for them, become attached, only to enter a waiting game for months or years for them to be ready. Unfortunately, you could be more their therapist helping them heal emotionally which benefits them but what about you! It can really impact your self-esteem when you enter into this waiting game, as it can make you feel you’re not good enough to be the one, not feel worthy of their love or you could invest emotionally only to not have it reciprocated.
Sure a lot of these emotionally unavailable people could be happy to have all the benefits of a relationship such as companionship, love, affection, intimacy and emotional support but not actually invest their own emotions into you. This one-sided love affair can make you feel used, unfulfilled and unloved. You could be wasting time waiting instead of letting them go and thinking if they are meant to be in your life they will come back into it in the future when they are ready.
This then releases you to be available for someone who is emotionally available who deserves your love and will love you back.
So if you’re looking for a relationship what are some of the signs that should be red flags for you to avoid someone who is NOT ready –
1. if they’re separated and NOT divorced yet, they may still have some unfinished business in regards to their ex or still riding the emotional roller coaster of grief
2. if they are recently divorced they may still be readjusting to creating a new life on their own thinking meeting someone will make them happy instead of creating a happy life first then meeting someone as a bonus to their life
3. if they were married for many years and their partner left for someone else. It can take many years of healing to trust again
4. seeking love and affection because they are lonely still healing from the loss of a partner but still very much in love with their deceased partner with no room in their heart for anyone else
5. they are over 40 and never been in a de-facto relationship or married in fear of commitment, fearful of losing their freedom
The key is always ensure your needs are met, if the other person isn’t emotionally invested in you, don’t invest in them! It will very likely end in heartache. Know your worth and don’t compromise as there is someone out there ready for love, but you have to be single and available for them!
Author - Cheryl Duffy
Cheryl Duffy, Mediator, Divorce Coach & Author of The Divorce Tango