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Don't be a chameleon and lose yourself!

Updated: Jun 1, 2022

Are you a chameleon?

Do you just morph into your partners way of life being a people pleaser and stop doing what you use to do or want to do?

Sometimes we can be so fearful of rejection, abandonment or not being good enough that we can actually lose ourselves as we morph into what we think our partner wants us to be…. and that is to be like them.

In doing so, we not only lose ourself and become dissatisfied with the relationship over time but we lose the person they fell in love with in the first place.

Think back to the time when you were first dating. What did they say they liked or loved about you? Are you still that person now? You may have been confident, outgoing, social, passionate about your career, bubbly, adventurous, engaging………the list goes on……

When we are in fear of losing a relationship, we can actually manifest the outcome we are trying to avoid. As a people pleaser we can hand over the power to others to influence how we behave, our lifestyle and our view of the world. This may occur through their manipulation or through your own compliance.

It is important to recognise when you have lost yourself in your relationship as your zest for life, your positive energy and your spark may have been snuffed out leaving you feeling disconnected, numb and operating in a robotic mode of survival.

Don’t continue to be a chameleon, bring back the colour in your life, your true self and reignite the spark.

So how do you do that?

  1. Understand that we are responsible for our own happiness, not others. Once we take back control of our happiness, we will take on accountability for ensuring we create a happy and fulfilling life.

  2. It’s important to do self-care so your needs are being nourished instead of your energy being depleted. Take up exercise, eating healthy, meditation or yoga.

  3. When people ask you to do something for them that you really don’t want to do, stop and ask yourself are you tempted to say yes. Why do you want to say yes when you really don’t want to do it? Is it because you want them to continue to like you, or because you have always been dependable, always been reliable, always been the go-to person that puts everyone else’s needs before your own? Have the courage to say ‘no, I can’t’ without guilt.

  4. Don’t wait for your partner to agree to do some of the things you once enjoyed…do them anyway!

  5. It's time to put you first. Think about what you use to love to do, what made you feel excited and engaged. It could have been doing a hobby, going out with friends, doing study for a fulfilling career, living your passion or purpose, volunteering, travelling or anything that makes you feel ALIVE and connected. Take time out for you to do those things that bring you joy. This will help lift your energy, positivity and general happiness which will create an atmosphere that becomes more engaging and exciting at home as the ‘old’ you will start to return.

Stop being a chameleon to please others, you are important too, be your best self and create a great life!

People will gravitate to you when you are happy, positive and energised!

Author - Cheryl Duffy - Divorce Coach & Mediator

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