Updated: Jan 7
As a Divorce coach I hear the words “why are they so unfair” so often as people are shocked how their ex treats them once separated.
Unfortunately, people who no longer need you or care about you often cut ties very quickly leaving the other person who is still connected emotionally feeling hurt and worthless. The one being unfair either tries to punish you or is only interested in what they can take at your expense. Many people find they are being fleeced financially, children used as weapons to hurt them or emotionally wounded through lack of respect and compassion.
It is important to understand that YOU are not the cause of this behaviour, so don’t beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong, what you could have done differently to prevent it or think you need to lower yourself to their level to survive.
People who are being unfair are often battling with their own demons or have been of poor character all along but we haven’t noticed it in the past through our rose-coloured glasses. We often get shocked at people’s behaviour as we tend to think everyone is the same as us so we have expectations that people wouldn’t behave in a way that we wouldn’t. Sometimes people hide their true colours like a chameleon blending into our ways undetected until their link with us is severed and they go into battle.
Focus on being true to yourself, your values and continue to be fair so you can hold your head up high and be seen as your best self, whilst your ex is seen for who they really are. If you retaliate or try to get one up on them it can give short term satisfaction but long-term regret. Our loved ones, especially our children watch how we respond and often have a higher admiration for us if we stay calm, firm but fair. If we buy into the drama, feeding their ego, all we do is allow them to manipulate us under their control.
Take back your power by being your authentic self, strong, ethical, and compassionate to do what is right by you and others in the face of adversity. Tap into your strengths to get you through the challenges in life as they will help you ride the emotional rollercoaster to arrive at your destination of happiness.
For help to have courage and confidence with any challenge you may be experiencing book a coaching session with me here