Is Child Inclusive Mediation beneficial to our family?

Child inclusive mediation brings the voice of the children to a parenting mediation.

Children do not attend the mediation, but parents and children alike have an individual session with a child consultant prior to mediation.

When a parent initiates parenting mediation, both parents attend an intake session to ascertain suitability of mediation based on safety, conflict history and emotional readiness. An understanding of the parenting dispute regarding parenting arrangements based on pre-separation parenting roles, current arrangements, and desired future arrangements. The coparenting relationship, communication and safety are explored and the family law act mediation guidelines and process are explained.

The Family Dispute Resolution Mediator assesses if child inclusive mediation would be suitable for the family.

As a mediator, key factors I look for when assessing if Child Inclusive Mediation is suitable and would benefit the children of a family are;

1. The parents have the capacity to be reflective to take the child’s feedback onboard

2. There was a parental relationship where the child had a strong bond and relationship with a parent pre-separation which has been severed since separation

3. Understanding the pre-separation parenting roles regarding care for the children, was there a primary carer, multiple caregivers or were parent roles interchangeable?

4. The children are school age which makes them eligible to meet with a child consultant

5. Parents have the capacity to reassess and modify their original proposals about parenting time with the children

The factors which may make child inclusive mediation not suitable;

1. Safety issues for the children’s physical, psychological, emotional and developmental needs to spend time with a parent

2. There is a violence order where a parent cannot come into contact with the children

3. A parent may state it is their right to have the children 50/50, whereby parents do not have rights, they have obligations to ensure arrangements are in the best interests of the child

4. A parent may say that it’s the parents’ decision, not the child’s decision on parenting arrangements, and therefore likely to disregard the child’s voice as input.

5. A child may have special needs and unable to articulate their voice, requiring a parent to be their advocate

If the mediator assesses that the family are suitable for child inclusive mediation, they offer the service outlining the benefits to the parents. Those benefits could include;

1. Parents gain an understanding of the impacts of separation on the children by empowering children to have their voice heard

2. How the child’s behaviour changes since separation uncovers the feelings and impacts of separation and conflict on the child

3. Children may be telling parents what they want to hear due to loyalty binds where they feel they must choose between parents to receive their love or they don’t want to hurt a parent’s feelings rather than communicating their own needs

4. Reduces anxiety and stress on the children as parents gain an understanding of how their conflict has affected the emotional and psychological development of their children

5. The view of the child helps parents have an informed exploration and negotiation on what parenting arrangements will help the children thrive

6. Children are not put under pressure to choose who they want to live with but provide awareness of the challenges they are experiencing for parents to consider when discussing options on parenting arrangements  

   
   

Both parents must agree for child inclusive mediation to proceed

A child consultant is then engaged to have a session with each parent and child. They explore the experience and feelings of the family separation and parental conflict on the child. This is done face to face generally in a confidential comfortable setting using techniques such as bear cards, the resilience wheel or drawings to understand the impacts of the separation on the child. The child will be asked what can be shared with the parents.

The child consultant then has a session with the mediator to plan how the child feedback will be provided to the parents.

If the feedback is good for both parents, it may be provided together at the start of the mediation with the child consultant in attendance. Once the feedback is shared with the parents, the child consultant leaves the mediation which continues with the mediator facilitating the mediation process. The mediator may bring key points of the child’s voice for parents to reflect on during option generation and negotiation.

If the feedback is not good for a parent, then separate feedback sessions with the parents will be arranged. The child consented feedback will be provided to each parent for them to reflect on to consider when proposing future parenting arrangements. Generally, the mediation session would be scheduled for a few days after to give the parents time to digest the feedback as can be emotionally upsetting if feedback is surprising.  The child consultant will deliver the feedback in a way that they feel a parent will receive the feedback constructively as an opportunity to improve parental behaviours, reduce conflict and create a child focused lens to consider the child’s needs.

Child inclusive mediation provides parents with insights of the impact on the children enabling parenting arrangements to be negotiated in the best interests of the child. Children feel empowered where their voice is valued to have their needs considered.

Author – Cheryl Duffy, Divorce Coach, AMDRAS advanced mediator, Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner and Parenting Coordinator

www.thedivorcecentre.com.au