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  • Cheryl Duffy

5 ways your new relationship arguments may be triggers from your past!


All relationships have their ups and downs, but embarking on new relationships post divorce can have you carrying old wounds with you that can be prodded when emotional triggers are activated.

  1. You may have been completely dominated in your marriage so when your new partner tries to raise an issue you become very defensive exerting inner power to avoid a repeat of being dominated again. Step back, assess whether the issue being raised is valid and work with your partner on finding a solution. If you are the new partner raise issues with compassion and reassurance that both of you care about each other and should be able to provide input to compromise on a solution.

  2. You may have become insecure feeling arguments alert the demise of the relationship. Don’t panic and react putting up a wall to protect yourself or taking flight to be the one to leave this time. Try to stay calm and think of the issue logically instead of emotionally. Remind yourself or your new partner that all relationships have troubled times and to work through it together from a position of love and respect will enable the problem to be resolved.

  3. You may have been betrayed previously and feel insecure it may happen again. Arguments about where your partner has been, why they are late or who they have been with can seriously harm your new relationship as the new partner will feel untrusted and suffocated. The key is to work on your own self worth to feel secure in new relationships. The sooner you can feel secure within yourself being confident, safe and worthy you will be able to adopt a ‘what will be, will be’ mantra so that you are not living in constant fear of being cheated on again. You don’t constantly fear having a car accident every day when you jump in the car to go to work, instead you take a leap of faith that you won’t have an accident and would deal with it if it ever happened.

  4. You may keep comparing your new relationship with your ex. Your ex may have been more romantic but your new relationship may be more loving and caring in what they do for you by being dependable and reliable when you need them. Always remember your ex is your ex for a reason and remind yourself the reasons why they ended up being your ex so you can then focus on the good qualities of your new partner.

  5. You may feel rejected if your new partner is too tired to have sex as the demise of your marriage was through loss of intimacy. Don’t take it personally, you’re probably not the reason as there are just times when people are stressed, tired or not in the mood. Taking it personally may be perceived as selfish, so ensure you try to alleviate any stress by taking on some of the workload which will bring your partner closer to you and give you both quality time together.

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